


I don't want to lose you

by kemor



Category: Gintama
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kemor/pseuds/kemor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after shogun's death. Gintoki is being haunted by both guilt and his dreams. He finds peace in a certain redhead that lives in his closet. Kagura is 16, Gintoki is 24+</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't want to lose you

Tokugawa Shigeshige was dead.

It's been 9 days since the Shogun's funeral and Kondo Isao's arrest. His physical wounds have healed, but inside he felt like a wreck.

Gintoki was sitting on his sofa, unable to sleep. He was still wearing his kimono - he didn't even bother to change. He hasn't slept in days and at this point he just gave up on trying.

Unable to sleep, he was deep in thoughts. He wasn't particularly close with the Shogun, but he did get involved in all that madness. He did promise to protect him, he called Sho-chan his buddy and in the end - he failed.

He looked at his bokuto that was laying by his feet. It must've rolled from the couch. He grabbed it and examined it. The very reason he started using this wooden stick was trying to get away from his past. To never get involved, to erase himself from history, to let Shiroyasha die and let good old Gin-san take over and run his poor little business. But then he got involved once again - and he lost.

He felt guilty not only about the Shogun, but that perverted stalker as well. He was taken right before his eyes, unable to do anything other than watch. He would no longer be a man if he refused to help Shinsengumi. It pained him to admit it, but these morons were like old friends.

Before he noticed, he was taken by suprise by warm embrace of sleep.

He was on an island, people were fighting each other, blood and dead bodies everywhere. White uniforms fought black uniforms, guards fought the rebels.

He couldn't tell what's going on, but he spotted one major detail in all that havoc - Kondo Isao's head being held by a man he recognized as Nobunobu.

Suddenly the scenery changed. All the noise was gone, blood disappeared, bodies vanished. He felt sudden cold coming from behind him. He knew that if he turned around, he'd see something that'd scar him for life.

Slowly he turned his body and felt the terror growing bigger with terrifying speed. Finally, he turned around and focused his eyes, only to feel despair crush his insides and squeeze his throat. On the ground in front of him laid a shattered pair of glasses and a broken purple umbrella, both bloodied, with their owners hanging above them on a giant tree, lifeless with their eyes open...

A terrifying scream came out of his throat and before he noticed he found himself back in his apartment, standing, with a huge cut on his wall he made with his bokuto.

It took him a moment to realise what happened. Cold sweat covered his body and he was panting heavily, as if he just ran a marathon in a matter of minutes.

He looked at his sword, then at the wall he'd just destroyed and sat down, tired like never before.

"A nightmare" he thought. "It was just a nightmare...". But it felt more than that. It felt almost like a phrophecy. something that'd definitely happen, and only he could prevent it...

"What are you doing?". He jumped at the sudden voice coming from behind him, and recognized it. Kagura was standing behind him, yawning and scratching her head. "Why are you up this late?"

Trying to sound as natural as possible, which came with great difficuilty he said "Nemurenai-aruuuu" in a mocking voice that was supposed to sound like hers. A phrase he knew all too damn well. Kagura had insomnia quite often lately and caused alot of trouble, both financially and physically.

"Very funny. You usually sleep like a rock until noon, what's with the sudden change?" Kagura asked, grabbing a glass to get some water.

"Nothing, I just can't sleep so I decided to read some JUMP. Go back to bed." He tried to get rid of her as soon as possible.

Kagura stopped drinking and looked at him. Something was definitely off. Destroyed wall with a sword cut that wasn't there few hours ago was a dead giveaway. She put down her glass and walked up to stand behind him.

"Stop lying and tell me what happened. You wouldn't destroy our house if everything was all..."

"JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!". Kagura was cut off by Gintoki. The redhead looked at him suprised with her mouth open. He knew he just gave himself away, but all he wanted from her was to get rid of her. For now. "Really, I'm fine. Unlike you, I can have insomnia without informing everyone around me that I can't sleep. Women need every minute of sleep don't they? So go back to the closet, close the door and go to sleep". His tone was almost begging.

A moment of silence and the sound of her footsteps going towards the closet were a relief. Suddenly she stopped and asked "Why won't you look at me?".

Gintoki, suprised by this question said "It's just your imagination. I'm busy reading JUMP, that's all". "Reading JUMP that is currently 3 meters away from you, in my hand" she said. "Gin-chan, look at me".

Hearing her annoyed and at the same time worried tone made him slowly turn around to take a lok at her. He tried to look as natural as possible, but he knew she wouldn't give up. Sometimes that stupid brat was too smart for her own good.

Finally, he turned around and noticed a red haired girl, holding his copy of JUMP in her right hand. She was wearing his t-shirt and strawberry boxers which she stole from him, claiming it was too hot to sleep in her pink pajamas.

She was looking at him with her right eyebrow raised, and her her left hand on her hip. "Now tell me what's wrong you stupid perm".

He was about to lie to her again, but then the visions he dreamed about came back. Looking at this girl standing in front of him, clothed in his underwear and shirt that were way too big to fit her reminded him of that lifeless corpse hanging high on a tree, with her big blue eyes staring at him, as if drilling a hole in his body.

He knew he'd probably get murdered for it, either by her or PTA, but he stood up, walked up to her and did something he had never done in all these years he'd known her. Gintoki came up to Kagura, and simply hugged her with all his strenght. A normal teenage girl would probably die by now, but this one was an exception.

Kagura dropped the copy of JUMP she'd been holding all this time and simply stood there, astonished at what was happening. Normally she beat up anybody that touched her with the exception of Sis and Sadaharu, but somewhow she couldn't bring herself up to hit him. She shyly raised her hands and hugged him back, although clumsily as she was still shocked.

After a while, Gintoki let her go and went back to his seat. Kagura, still unsure of what just happened winked a few times and slowly turned her eyes to him. She didn't know what to say, she just stared at him as the silence started to become awkward.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that" Gintoki broke the silence "Both you and Shinpachi will remain in Kabuki along with Gran, I'll go alone with Shinsengumi".

Kagura, having registered what she just heared snapped out of her shock and said "Are you stupid? We're going with you. You are not doing that again!".

"Doing what?" he asked, altough he didn't care in the slightest.

"You did this so many times I've lost count. You pretend you don't care, you play the villain, you leave us behind and you deal with problems yourself, and every time we had to come and save your butt. This will turn out exactly the same. We're coming, whether you like it or not and don't think you..." she stopped mid sentence. She just witnessed something she'd never seen before. The one thing she never expected to see.

This trembling could mean only one thing. Gin-chan... no...Sakata Gintoki was crying.

She looked at him and had no idea what to do. She was even more shocked than a moment ago when he hugged her

"Just this one time, please listen to me you stupid brat" his voice was shaky, almost begging. He couldn't get those images out of his head.

"Stay here and don't come out of Kabuki. I'm tired of losing people close to me, and If i were to lose any of you I don't think Gin-san would want to carry on any further".

Kagura looked at him and finally understood what was wrong with Gin-chan. Zura told her about the war, about their comrades and how Gin-chan changed over the years, but he had never gone into details. Now she understood everything and felt stupid for being this stubborn. Tears started to form in her eyes and she rememberd what her Mommy used to do when either Kamui or her were sad.

The Yato girl walked up to Gintoki who was still shaking. She got on the couch and sat on her knees. She was sitting right beside him. At this point, Gintoki didn't care about anything, all he wanted was for Kagura to understand and let him go alone. Suddenly, he felt something warm and opened his eyes.

Kagura gently grabbed his head and hugged it to her chest. He could feel her warm and tiny chest going up and down as she breathed slowly, as if trying to calm him down.

"We've been through so much. We fought my clanmates, we fought as Sho-chan's personal guards, we saved Yoshiwara and every time there was danger. But you always came and defended us and we defended you. We're a team aren't we? Isn't that what Yorozuya is all about?"

Her words shot him like an arrow. She was right, whenever he was in danger it was those shitty brats that got him out of his mess, no matter how big it was...

"And even if we fail, even if we all die in that prison, I'd rather die with you idiots than wait at Old Hag's place and hear that you've been killed. We're either together or not at all. You're my Earth lice...I mean Earth family!" She corrected herself with a nervous grin.

He smiled and felt like an idiot. They've been together for so long and through so much. Leaving them behind because of some stupid dream was like an insult to both them and their time spent as Yorozuya. After all that happened lately he came to a conclusion that he was exaggerating. A mere dream stripped him off all the trust he had for his friends.

Suddenly, all his anxieties were gone. The dream he had not that long ago seemed to have already faded away. He had no idea this little shit could do such wonders to a man. He should monetize her gift.

"Thanks Kagura. I guess I have to buy you some sukonbu" he said. His tone was much calmer than it usually was. Kagura looked at him and felt relief. He seemed to be his old self again.

"Yup! A month worth of sukonbu!" she said with a big grin.

"Heh. Stupid brat..." he said before falling asleep in her arms.

Kagura fell asleep a while later.

They were found like that by Shinpachi who froze at the sight he witnessed. He was about to say something, but decided to not do it and instead of going on his usual straight man routine, he smiled before going to get something to eat and let them sleep in.

It's been a long time he'd seen them this peaceful.

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic I've ever written. Inspired by shogun's death and Gintoki's dead like eyes(yea, that's how much i need to get an idea to create something). I tried to stay in character as much as i could, but i feel like i failed miserably. If this one is well received i might post some new stuff, although the genre might change a bit.


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